What is Fear?

But what is fear? As a verb, it describes the feeling you get about a situation, person, animal or object. This is all very natural. I fear xyz. So, the fear you feel is real. However it is what you do about the fear that makes the difference.

Often the fear is worse that the thing you fear. For instance, the dread of speaking in front of an audience, can be excruciating. Even if we have rehearsed and rehearsed our palms sweat. We have butterflies and we think “Why did I ever agree to this? I hope it’s cancelled; I just want this to be over.”

Then we start our performance. We know our subject, we can do this. The words flow, the adrenalin heightens our awareness and performance. Before we know it, the performance is over and we milk the applause. Then a wave of euphoria washes over us. ‘Let’s do it again’!’

Logically the worse thing that could physically happen to you is falling off the stage and injuring yourself. No one will attack you. Even if someone heckles you, which is highly unlikely, the other audience members are on your side, they want you to do well. But fear is not logical, we know that the speech we are about to make is a good thing for us to do and yet our primeval fears take over, if we let them.

The Options

What are the options when we are dealing with fear? Well firstly we can do a risk assessment. What are the consequences of doing the thing we fear versus what are the rewards? Do they stack up?

1. Run away

Our default reaction to fear is to run away. The most primitive parts of our reptilian brain will drive us to flee. Especially useful if you see an angry dog down the street, but not helpful just before an important performance. And yet, we can sometimes metaphorically run away from the things we fear. Many years ago, I remember making up an excuse to avoid going to an important networking event. In my mind I had some prior engagement that I needed to attend instead. The truth was, that I was running away.

I don’t do that anymore.

2. Stay put

Next is to stay put or freeze. This is another archaic response to the fear or threat. Again, this would be useful if you see that mad dog running across your path. It hasn’t seen you, so stay still and it will pass.

Freezing is not helpful, however if you are staying with the status quo in your career. You don’t put yourself forward to make the speech. If you stay put in your position you will be safe. But think about what you would miss out on.

3. Proceed with caution

Now we are not sure if there is a threat or not. There is a dog, it looks friendly enough, I will proceed with caution. Ahh the dog wags his tail. Good.

We can use this in interpersonal situations for instance if we are meeting new people, like visiting a new prospective customer. We don’t know each other, yet. I don’t want to say anything that could be offensive, so I stay on safe ground during our conversation. This is a sensible way to deal with the usual fears we come across in the workplace.

4. Charge full pelt at the fear

So, you’ve done your due diligence and assessed the risk. There is no physical danger. In our public speech example, the worse that could happen is you bomb. However you’ve prepared well, you know your stuff and you have your notes. You are still racked with fear, what should you do?

Charge full pelt at the fear.

If the fear is the metaphorical mad dog. You are going to run screaming and yelling at it to chase it off. You will stride onto the stage and own the room.

If I fear it, I must do it

On the other side of fear is growth.

This is another way of saying ‘The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.’ But the subtle difference is that if you fear it, you must do it, for you to grow and improve. If you don’t face the fear, you will not only just stay where you are, you will move backwards. Caving into fear is a habit, just like facing up your fears. It will not just be this occasion where you shrink, there will be increasingly more to come. Just as you can expand your comfort zone by challenging it, by demurring, you will shrink your comfort zone. You may find that you become anxious about things you used to find easy.
Whenever you feel slightly nervous about an opportunity, acknowledge the fear and act anyway.

The Treasures

What treasures are in the caves of fear? We’ve just talked about personal growth, which is important. Also, when I look back on my life and the key pivotal moments where I progressed, they came from making a decision and acting despite fear.

We think that growth, whether its financial or in your position, is slow and gradual. You slowly increase your skills and experience over the years. However there comes a point when an opportunity presents itself, but it comes with fear. It might be that a more senior position in your company becomes vacant. You might fear to put yourself forward, even though you would like to gain that promotion. You must act now. Put yourself forward.

What other treasures are there besides promotion? A long happy marriage could come from overcoming the fear of asking the person on a date all those years ago.
You might have great health and a strong body, because you overcame the fear of walking into that gym the very first time.

What’s my cave?

I have entered many caves and, I’m afraid to say, avoided many others. However, I’ve always regretted not entering the cave. So, what’s the current cave I’m entering? It’s the fear of putting my writing out there for public scrutiny. Its easy to put a blog post out and hope that the Google algorithm drives people to read it. It’s another thing however to post to my friends and peers on LinkedIn .

I’m not sure what the treasure in this particular cave might end up being, it might be that someone gains some benefit from reading my stuff. I know I must do it though.

You can read my post about Fear’s big ugly brother, Anxiety. In this I talk about an episode of anxiety I suffered from many years ago. I also give you some practical tips if you suffer from it.

Anyway back to fear. What is your fear, or what cave do you dread to enter? What are the riches you are missing out on?

The post The Cave You Fear to Enter appeared first on Mike Holden Sales.

For example, let’s say your goal is to make so many sales this year. Why?

• So that I will earn a certain amount of commission. Why?
• So that I can buy a rental property. Why?
• So that I will earn asset income. Why?
• So that I will be financially independent. Why?
• So that I don’t have to ‘work for the man.’ Why?
• So that I can do what I want. Why?
• Err – so that I will be happy.

I will be happy when

You see in the example above, that deep down you think you think you will be happy when something happens, or some goal is achieved.

I was the same. For years I pursued financial independence and I used to visualise what life would be like. It seemed that when it happened it would be like fireworks going off in the night sky. Glitter and balloons would drop from the ceiling and a man in a shiny gold suit would hand me a laminated certificate and glass of champagne, whilst the local newspaper photographer snapped us for the next edition.

Nothing could be further from the truth. When it happened for me, I didn’t even realise. It took me being made redundant, to sit down and work out that yes, I was already financially independent. I didn’t need to look for another job. My wife and I went on holiday. When we returned, I came back and redecorated the house. Then after a couple of weeks, I was bored and not happy. Well not like I thought I would be. I was back to my base level of wellbeing. Was this what it was all about?

Happiness is a by-product

Here’s a quick exercise for you. Think back to times when you were happy. Choose three memories.
What were you doing, who were you with, what was happening? For me when I think of times when I am happy, they are occasions like being with my family, having a good laugh with my mates, or taking the dogs for a long walk in the countryside. But here’s the thing, at the time you don’t realise you are happy. You are just there enjoying the moment.

So, here’s a suggestion for you, why don’t you pursue these things instead.
Then happiness will come to you.

I’ve written another post called Living In The Now – My Present To You where I describe some of the magical things that can happen if you let go of living for future goals.

The pursuit of happiness is a fool’s errand. Don’t pursue happiness, let happiness pursue you.

The post Happiness is not a goal appeared first on Mike Holden Sales.

The truth is all you need to do is get your thinking mind off the problem, by distracting it with something else. Running, I find is an excellent way to do this. I noticed this myself years ago, as I’ve always enjoyed running. I would often produce answers to conundrums. It seemed like a happy by-product of doing something I enjoy. It was only much later that I realized that I could use a run to specifically solve some puzzles.

I use this method for many other creative activities such as coming up with ideas for blog posts and thinking about different marketing strategies.
Here is how I go about the practise of using running to solve problems.

1. Define the problem

The first step in using running to solve problems, is to define the problem. You should try to be as specific as possible. What is the specific outcome you would like. Asking a question is a fantastic way to define the problem and even better, are questions such as:

‘How can I?’ or ‘What would be a great way to?’

For instance, if you need more money in your life, simply asking for more money is not an effective question. A better question would be:

‘What would be a great way for me to double my income next month?’

2. Meditate on the question

The next step is to meditate on this question for a short while, about 5 minutes should be enough. Once you’ve defined the question, get yourself into a quiet place, turn off any devices so you aren’t distracted. Then close your eyes and repeat the question to yourself three times. Then let your mind go still, by concentrating on your breathing. Count down backwards from thirty to zero with each breath. Once you reach zero, open your eyes, move about then get your gear ready for your run.

3. Let the problem go

As you are getting ready for your run, let the problem go. Act as if you would if you’ve just ordered something online. You place your order then just forget about it, knowing that the parcel is ‘in the post’.

4. Go for a run

How long do you need to run for? Ideally for me it is for 20 minutes minimum, but the longer the better. If you’ve not ran for some time, then perhaps start with a fast-paced walk. Obviously if you are not a runner, then seek medical advise before starting any new exercise regime.
Running outside in nature is the best place to do this exercise. There is something about trees, greenery and open water that seems to get the creative juices flowing. Just enjoy the scenery and keep your body moving. Again, you don’t need to think about the problem, ideally you should try to forget all about it. Allow the answer to come when it is ready, there is no need to force it.
Oh, and one more tip, take something with you to record the answer.

5. The solution will arrive

Eventually the answer will arrive. It will either be a fully formed solution or it will be the inspiration to explore a next action. Either way, just let the answer come. Sometimes the answers come through in stages if it is a particularly complex problem. You will know when you are getting the answer, it will seem obvious to you, as if you should have already known it.
I talked about the subconscious mind before and this is certainly where the answer comes from. But the action of defining the problem, quieting the thinking mind, nature and physical activity seems to be an ideal combination. Psychologists talk about the flow state and maybe this has something to do with it. Either way it is certainly an enjoyable way of solving problems. If you would like to know more about how you can influence the subconscious, then check out my post Six Ways to Influence the Subconscious. In this post I describe how you can communicate with and direct the subconscious mind to change your life for the better.

The post Using Running to Solve Problems appeared first on Mike Holden Sales.

I can’t remember how old I was; I was sitting on my mother’s lap as she read The Hobbit to me. The tales of dragons, dwarves and hobbits transfixed me. And treasure. The image of Tolkien’s map of Middle Earth, with the mountains, rivers and a huge dragon were magical. I was always drawn back to this.

Later, when I was older, I re-read the Hobbit on my own and then tackled The Lord of the Rings, Tolkien’s 3 volume 6 book sequel to the Hobbit. This was not the same. The Lord of the Rings is not a children’s book and I struggled to get through it. The themes are deeper and adult in nature .

I have since re-read the Lord of the Rings and everything else Tolkien wrote about Middle Earth, as an adult and here is what I have learned. Before I dive into this however, I do have to say that with every re-reading I do learn more, such is the depth of the writing.

1. Good and evil in the Lord of the Rings

The simplest theme in the series is the battle between good and evil. You have the good guys vs the bad guys. The Fellowship versus Sauron’s forces and hobbits versus orcs. You know straight away whether each character is on the good side or the evil side.

However, this is overly simplistic. You also get to see the internal struggle within the characters, as they fight the power of good and evil within them. The One Ring is the perfect metaphor for the desire for power and earthly riches, which can corrupt. This journey from innocence to evil can be seen when we compare Frodo to Bilbo and to Smeagol (Gollum).

Each of these hobbits, in turn, has borne the ring for a time. Frodo, who has the ring for the least amount of time, fights the power of it to corrupt him, whilst he journeys to destroy it forever. Bilbo, who held the ring for decades, after stealing the ring from Smeagol, is being ‘stretched thin’ by the influence of evil. He must give up the ring to Frodo and leave the Shire for the safety of the Elves of Rivendell. Smeagol originally stole the ring, from his friend Deagol, hundreds of years before and it so utterly corrupted him, that he is no longer the same. He is now the base creature Gollum, who lived in a cave, guarding his ‘precious.’

In the real world, no one is born evil, but we can be corrupted to evil. It is our daily internal struggle over our base habits and thoughts, which will determine where we finish up.

2. Friendship or Fellowship

The most stirring part of the Lord of the Rings, for me is when the Fellowship of the Ring first bands together. The four hobbits, two men, a dwarf, an elf and the Wizard are tasked with destroying the one ring ‘in the fires of mount doom.’ Each of the nine has different personal reasons for joining the quest, but they all have one united aim. When they first come together, they are not all known to each other and there is tension between for instance Gimli the dwarf and Legolas the elf. Elves and Dwarves were once allied but are now hostile. Likewise, the Hobbits are suspicious of the Men. The one aim unites the Fellowship until the reverse is true. Gimli and Legolas become fast friends and the hobbits come to love the men, especially Aragorn. It is friendship or fellowship that helps the company win.

3. Loyalty

Loyalty and disloyalty are both themes that run through the Lord of the Rings. We see how Saruman the white wizard, is quietly scheming to find the One Ring himself, showing disloyalty to the order in which Gandalf also belongs. Eventually, he becomes overtly disloyal, forming an army of Orcs to help him become the new Dark Lord.

Alternatively, there is a prime example of loyalty in Samwise Gamgee, Frodo’s gardener. He agrees to go with Frodo on his mission and sticks with him, from the perils of the Barrow-wights right through to the fires of mount Doom, without shirking his duty. There are many times where lesser people would have said ‘Master, this is too much for me’ I’m going back home to my garden.

But he remains loyal to the cause and his good friend. He is rewarded in the end, as Frodo bequeaths his estate to Sam. Sam becomes an upright citizen in the Shire and ends up being the Mayor of the Shire.

4. Persistence

If ever there was a story of persistence in the face of insurmountable challenge, The Lord of the Rings is it. The band of four hobbits set off on their journey, without even knowing what the end would be, but they knew they had to travel, to keep going. It is only at the Council of Elrond, where they agree the purpose of the quest – to destroy the Ring. You would think that defining a task would make it easier, but the task now seems impossible or at least unfinishable. But they proceed anyway. Despite not really knowing if they would be successful or not, they persist.

I’m often struck by this in life, with lofty goals especially. How many times do we settle for easy goals and the humdrum existence because our vision seems impossible. Why bother starting. Or we do start and when the task becomes too difficult, we just give up because its impossible. Then I remember those small hobbits, they continued anyway, even in the grip of despair. I can’t go back now.

The path doesn’t need to be clear, just keep moving forward one step at a time.

If you have lofty goals, I congratulate you. Keep them in mind always. Don’t try to plan every step. Just like Gandalf, who had a vague idea of how things should pan out, he didn’t know every step. Take the first step, then the second step will become obvious. Many people do not start on their purpose in life because they don’t know how. But you just need to keep moving forward in the general direction.

I’ve written more about how you can become successful in my post Is Goal Setting Important. In this post I give you a very quick method to achieve long term goals, which will help you be persistent.

5. Leadership

Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, is the King in waiting. Although he is the heir of Isildur, when we first meet him, we know him as Strider, a course Ranger of the North. In the story we don’t know his full identity until much later. We first see his inherent leadership qualities when orcs chase the Fellowship out of Moria. The band is now leaderless and they grieve at the apparent death of Gandalf. As they rest, after their escape from the orcs, Aragorn realises that the danger still hasn’t passed. He quickly orders the others to move on. Some protest, saying can they not rest and grieve, but Aragorn is authoritative and decisive. They obey him. Without any agreement taking place, Aragorn is now their de facto leader.

In life some people are raised to levels of power and authority, but you can tell they lack leadership. Leadership is not a title, it is inherent. Sometimes you meet a person who exudes quiet authority. Outwardly they may look humble and act modestly, but when the moment for leadership is required, they naturally take the mantle.

Another trait of leaders is that they can be ruthless but also kind. Unlike the sociopath who revels in his power, the true leader is ruthless only when it is required and they don’t necessarily enjoy it.

6. What the Lord of the Rings says about greatness

What makes someone great? Is it the large event that they succeed in? No, it’s the little things, the simple acts of kindness, they show every day. It is also seen in the moments of crisis, when everyone panics, looking around to see who will lead them. Its then that the leader takes charge, decisively directing people. The leader often doesn’t know where their leadership comes from.

You don’t have to be a leader to be great. You don’t have to have titles and be large in stature. Many people quietly go about their business, without fuss, silently pursuing their goals and fulfilling their duties. The silent majority. Just like the hobbits they’re not famous, they don’t perform great deeds, but their greatness comes from their everyday actions. Quietly moving forward, never giving up, until one day out of nowhere, it seems, they achieve recognition. We’ve all seen the ‘overnight successes,’ but we’ve not seen the decades of doing the right thing, when nobody noticed.

The little guy can win in the end, you are stronger and greater than you think. Life is an adventure.

Be the hero of your own journey.

The post 6 Life Changing Virtues in The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien appeared first on Mike Holden Sales.

Who are the Media?

The media are the communication outlets that proliferate today. Their job is to education, inform and entertain. To a certain extent, they achieve this, some outlets are better than others.
When I talk about the media, I include Television, Radio and Newspapers, especially online. I also include social media because the media outlets I am referring to here, have presences on these platforms.
Media ranges from free to subscription models and from public institutions to private enterprises. They are many and varied, but they have one thing in common; They need your attention, and the dirty secret is the media wants you scared.

What does fear do to you?

Fear causes distraction and a sense of loss of control. If you are distracted and feel like you lack control, then you are more likely to make decisions that are in the interest of the media outlet or their sponsors. More on this later.

Headlines grab attention.

The first object of the mass media is to obtain your attention. This is usually done by some kind of headline. A particular piece will be summarised into half a dozen words, which will stop you in your tracks and make you engage. It’s not your fault, its human nature. We are evolved to look towards danger.

Eyeballs equals captive audience.

Once they have your attention, the piece will be designed to keep you engaged. A snappy headline will be followed by an opening that is designed to draw you into the piece. Each section will keep you engaged and sell the next section. Once you reach the end, you will be prompted to consume the next article or programme. It’s all marketing and in itself is benign, apart from your time spent, which could have been invested elsewhere.

Advertisements

Most Media organisations make their money through advertising or subscription. Their business model requires predictable viewing figures, either because the sponsors will pay for the number of clicks, they receive or because they know their ad will be seen by a certain number of people.
Therefore, once you are engaged in the media channel, the longer they can keep you engaged, the more beneficial to them.

Read more about how advertisers hypnotise you into buying stuff. I will also show you how you can recognise when this is happening and what you can do about it.

Purchases – you buy what they’re selling.

Back to our state of fear, distress or unease. The human condition is such that a person will always seek to ameliorate pain and discomfort. We will do something that will make us feel better. What do we see on our screens (TV, phones & PCs) after we’ve been shown something disconcerting? Advertising. The copy or script of the advert goes along the tried and trusted formula of:
“Are you feeling bad about X, Y, Z? Then purchase our super flippety gib service and product. You’ll feel great.”
In our state of fear, we will whip out our credit card and make the purchase. Or, more sinisterly, the branding will log deep in our subconscious. Feel bad, buy X.

24hr News

Back when I was growing up, the news on TV broadcasted 2 or 3 times per day, per channel. There were only three channels back then. In my naïve pre-teen mind, I was always astounded that there was exactly 30 minutes’ worth of news, going on in the world to fill the schedule. Now of course, that’s not how it works. The programmers (the hint is in the name) had 30 minutes of news airtime to fill. If a lot was going on, then the news was edited down to fill the time. But what if there was not a lot going on?

Here’s what didn’t happen in the early 80’s:

“And now the 6-o clock news from the BBC”.
“Today, nothing of importance happened. At all.”
“We will return tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s a nice film about basket-weaving to music.”

No that didn’t happen, mores the pity, because they would find some news. There’s always something bad happening, somewhere. And if not, we can talk about some dreadful things that might happen.
As TV became digital, more TV channels proliferated and we got 24-hour news channels. And they needed to be filled, usually with shocking news. Are there more terrible things happening today versus 40 years ago? No, of course not. But good news doesn’t sell. If you feel good about the world, you don’t buy stuff.

Politicians

Politicians use this fear factor also. They need your votes to stay in power and they need your money, through taxes. They need your money to enact their policies, once they are in power. Fear sells at the ballot box and government departments are looking for more of a share of the budgets.
If you don’t believe me, wait till the next general election. Both sides will use the fear tactic. The incumbents will plant the side of doubt about what the opposition will do once they get in power. The opposition will highlight all the bad things that are happening, and that they will be the solution.

The real solution

I’ve belaboured this point long enough and I feel quite icky just writing about it. So here is a way you can immunise yourself from being manipulated.

No news

Do not watch any news on TV, especially 24-hour news channels and talking head TV/Radio. Do not read any newspapers either print or online. Online news is clickbait. They earn off your clicks. Don’t feed the monster.
Now, you may think you will become uninformed, but I assure you, you will be happier. You will find out about any real newsworthy events. You will become more mindful of your local community news, because your eyes and ears will be open.

Do not consume social media.

If your business model uses social media for marketing and displaying your content, then you may not be able to completely avoid social media. In that case, only use social media for the purpose of content producing. If possible, you can even outsource the re-purposing of your content onto socials. If you do this you will thank me.

Try it for a day.

Quitting News and social media may seem drastic. I would therefore recommend trying it for just one day. Plan this day in advance so that you will not be tempted. Plan to get outside into nature, if you can. Make it a day that you will not need to be contacted via phone, so you can just put your phone away for the day. A long walk in the country is ideal for this.
The day before your media fast, sit and feel how anxious you are. Give yourself a score out of ten. One being zen-chilled to ten being highly anxious. Then that night, hide your devices and remote control.
Then enjoy the day, free from the jabs and prods of the doom-mongers.
At the end of the day, asses your level of anxiety. Did it work? Let me know.

The post Why the Media Wants You Scared appeared first on Mike Holden Sales.

Should you be living in the present, totally, or should you have goals to strive for? There are two conflicting pieces of advice on how to live our lives, but which is correct? Are they mutually exclusive or can you live with both and if so, how?

Living in the present

What do we mean by living in the present? To live like this means that we are mindful of what goes on around us in our present environment. We are not concerned about what tomorrow brings and we let go of the past. We are completely in the moment.

Sense of flow

In our work or play, we can get into a state, which psychologists call flow. Think of anytime you’ve been totally engrossed in something you are doing. The sense of time seems to disappear, and we can be often surprised to see that hours have passed.

I get into this state when I am writing, driving or long-distance running. Its deeply meditative and helps me be more productive. Compare this to multitasking or distracted work. Think of a day when you were totally distracted or interrupted. As soon as you got started on one task, a thought popped into you mind about something else you should be planning, or a notification pinged on your phone. We can be certain that we weren’t living in the present then.

Happiness

Looking back on times when you are happiest, I’m sure that you were living in the present. You might have been spending time with friends and family or you were engrossed in some worthwhile project.

This sense of happiness is derived from the fact that we have everything we need in that moment. We are fulfilled. We’re not worrying about how to pay the bills or regretting some past indiscretion. We are in the moment – in flow.

Tennis balls

But surely, we can’t operate in this state all the time. We are not tennis balls floating down the gutter of life, as Rabbi Daniel Lapin describes it. Going with the flow all the time, means that we are at the mercy of whatever life throws at us. So surely there is another way?

Goals

The opposite of living in the moment could be said to be living in the past or future. Setting goals is a way of taking us out of the present to envision some future time and what we would like to achieve.

How to form goals

To set a goal or outcome, first think of something you would like to be, do or have. Then try to make this as specific as possible, preferably with something you can measure. Common examples of goals are to reach a certain weight or earn a certain amount of money. The numerical value of these goals makes them easier to manage. We can clearly see where we are in relation to them and how far we need to go.

The benefits of goal setting

The benefit of goal setting is that we can use our will to defeat the forces of entropy. Think of the neatly coiffured garden. If no further work is done on this verdant delight, it will soon become a jungle. It will revert to its natural state. This is the force of entropy at work, and it governs everything in the universe. Order into chaos.

Our lives our no different. Without constant vigilance and good habits, our lives will become chaotic. Setting goals and outcomes is a way we can bring back order. It could be as simple as having a goal to clean and tidy the house once a week, to maintain order.

Another benefit of goal setting is that we can develop ourselves into some better version. If we are unhealthy today, we can visualise a time when we are healthy. We can put an action plan in place to eat well and exercise, so that we reach this healthier version.

The negatives of goal setting

I’ve been a proponent of goal setting for most of my adult life and I’ve grappled with apparent disadvantages of them.

Rigidity

Having too rigid an outlook can shut us off from opportunity and spontaneity. We cannot tell what the future will be like. What seems like a promising idea to pursue today, might not be so rewarding in the future.

If we are too fixated on a certain outcome, we can miss the opportunity to adjust our focus. On the other hand, if we are too flexible, we can start to drift and be susceptible to the shiny object syndrome.

Future focus

Living in the future is not a healthy way of living. Life is about the journey. Being totally focussed on a future vision can make us blind to the beauty that’s right in front of us.

Constant state of wanting and failure

If goals are the ideal, we are striving for, then by definition the present is not ideal. We want something else. This constant wanting is a sure way to unhappiness.

Likewise, if we are not a certain weight but are striving to it, we are not successful until we reach this weight. Ergo we are failing until the very end.

Goals are empty

The act of striving to reach a goal is where the happiness lies. Either you reach your goal, or you fail. In the moment of failure, or giving up, you can choose to start again or try something new. At the precise moment you achieve your goal, there will be elation. This feeling is transitory and quickly wanes.

I remember running my first marathon. After 16 weeks of hard training, I finally approached the finish line, with 100 metres to go. The crowds were cheering all us participants on. I felt elated and reached the finish line in a state of euphoria. My family were there to meet me, and we were all emotional, at what was achieved and the money we had raised for charity.

This feeling lasted about 5 minutes.

As the adrenaline wore off and my body began to ache, there was also another feeling which grew. Emptiness. This feeling of emptiness, I still remember. Looking back over twenty years later, the happiness I remember was from the training and the raising of pledges. The actual goal itself is empty. Sure, I have a medal to show for it; it’s in a box, in the loft with all my other running medals.

The meaning I get from completing marathons, is in the process of training my body and mind, in the present i.e. back when I did it. The feeling of happiness, is the memory of the happiness I felt, whilst I was pursuing the goal.

How to live in the present and have goals

So, we are in a bit of a pickle. Live in the present or live for goals? After over twenty-five years of personal development work, I have the answer. The answer is that we should live in the present and have goals at the same time. As ever, the answer to life’s conundrums is often to choose the middle ground, to walk the tightrope in between.

By all means formulate your goals using the SMART method or whatever. you choose. As soon as your goal is formulated and you have your action plan, bring yourself back to the present. Detach yourself from the outcome. Be grateful for what you have now. Find the joy in the everyday actions that will lead you to the goal.

As you progress towards your goal, look back to where you’ve come from, not forward to how much farther you have to go. When you climb the mountain, the joy comes from stopping every so often to admire the view and amaze yourself on how far you’ve climbed. Looking up towards the summit, shrouded in mist, only brings dread.

You can read about How to Set Effective Goals, where I show you how to overcome this problem of living in the present and having goals.

It’s All Ok

If you can get into a state where It’s All Ok, now, whether you’ve achieved your goals or not, you will improve your happiness. You will have goals, but you won’t be attached to them. Try to treat your long-term goals as if they were a series of stepping stones. You will then be truly living in the present and you will be astounded by the progress you make.

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I use divination to make decisions when I’ve exhausted all other methods to decide. I’ve researched and I will have examined the pros and cons and yet I still I haven’t a clear winner. Logic is saying that either there is some piece of information I still do not know, or there is no clear best answer.

Sometimes in life, you have to take a leap of faith and decide either way. This is where I use divination as a last resort.

What is Divination?

Dictionaries will state that divination is a means of seeking knowledge of the future or the unknown, by supernatural means. I could not disagree with this more.

Divination methods are a way of communicating with your unconscious mind, higher self or intuition, using an external prop or device. It’s not supernatural, far from it. It is completely natural.

Examples of Divination I use

I will show you a few methods I use and try to explain how they work.

The Heart Touch Tethod

The heart touch is the easiest and quickest method I use. Pedants will say it isn’t divination, but I group it with the other methods I use to make decisions.

This method is ideal for yes/no decisions. For instance, I have just finished a sales quotation or long email and I am about to press send. I’ve already done the spellchecking and editing and I want to know if it’s ok to send.

I stop, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I will silently ask myself ‘should I send this yet?’ Then I will put my hand on my heart and notice how I feel. If I fell the answer is a clear yes, I press send. If the answer is a no, I will have a definite feeling of no, I don’t send. I know that deep down, there is something I need to change. Is the tone of the email wrong? Do I need to check for spelling or grammar mistakes? Or do I need to re-check my figures?

Usually when I check the piece, there is something wrong that needs to be corrected. I unconsciously knew that the article or message was not ready to send.

The Coin Toss as Divination

The coin toss technique is another way I use divination to decide. As before, I’ve already gone through the logical decision-making process and I still don’t have an answer. This is good for binary questions either yes or no, or where there are two options.

I will assign heads to one options and tails to the other. I then toss a coin to see what the answer is. Here is the important bit. The coin toss result, itself, isn’t the answer, it is the feeling I get when the result is known.

For instance, let’s say that you have two job offers, both offer the same salary and benefits in the same field. There is nothing obvious to help you make the decision. Company A is assigned heads and company B is tails. You toss the coin and tails lands face up. That means that company B wins, but there is a definite feeling of regret, that A didn’t win.

There you have it. Company A is the real winner and deep down you knew it.

The Pendulum Method

The pendulum technique is something I learned during my Hypnotherapy Training and is a way of letting your unconscious mind communicate with you. Like the coin toss, it works with binary decisions and will help you understand what you really want.

If you don’t have a pendulum, you can make your own simple one. All you need is a piece of cotton thread and a small weight with and eye hole on it, such as a key. Thread the cotton through the eye hole, so that each end is the same length. Tie a simple knot so that the key is fixed in position in the middle of the thread. Then tie the two loose ends together.

Hold your pendulum in front of your face with the weight at eye level and think of the question. Concentrate on the pendulum and it will eventually start rotating on the horizontal plane ie. it would look like a circle if you looked at it from above. Decision A is clockwise and B anticlockwise. Slowly you will start to move the pendulum and it will pick up speed until it is rotating freely.

Whichever direction the pendulum spins is the winner because you wanted it to. Again, you’ve found your answer.

Tarot Cards

I use Tarot cards for more complex issues. If your familiar with Tarot cards, you will know that each card has a different picture. Each picture has a specific scene or characters on it. There is no writing on the card, apart from the name, eg. The Moon, to help you understand what it means. The Moon card has the moon looking down between two standing towers and raining 9 flames down. A dog and a wolf look up at the moon and a crayfish crawls out of the sea. A winding path leads from the foreground up between the towers. What does this mean?

My understanding of how Tarot works is that you look at the card with your question in mind and the archetypes in the picture will resonate with how your unconscious mind works. Something in the card will spark a conscious thought that will help you arrive at your decision. For instance, with another job conundrum, you’ve been offered promotion and you’re not sure whether to accept. It’s more money, but more responsibility.

The moon reflects – so maybe I should reflect on this job opportunity more.

The dog and the wolf? The tame and the wild. Work and play. How will this job effect my work-life balance.

The crayfish – primitive life crawls from the sea, to evolve? How will this position help me to develop?

The winding path? It leads forward to who knows where. I must keep moving forward to progress?

Divination’s Bad Press

Divination has a bad press, from both science and religion, unfairly so. Science will say you can’t read the future. I agree, but you can use external props to help you understand your innermost wisdom, in the present. Religions don’t like divination, either, because it helps you to think for yourself!

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What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is a sense of appreciation for someone or something, for what they have done for you. We should all be grateful for the things people do for us, but the sense of thankfulness I’m talking about is the state of being, whereby we appreciate everything all of the time.
This constant state of gratitude is surely impossible to maintain, when external disappointments occur. Nevertheless, we should strive to reach this state anyway; any improvement in our state of gratitude can only be a good thing.

Practising gratitude with a simple thank you.

Entry level gratitude is saying a simple thank you to people. From appreciation of good deeds done, to gifts received, we are all brought up to say ‘thanks, I appreciate that’.

What about when people are just doing their job. The server brings the food and the cashier hands over the goods we’ve just bought. The habit of thanking them is easy and we surely all do it?

How do you react when people offer you a compliment? Do you deprecate it to appear humble? “Oh, this old thing? I’ve had it for years.” Why not offer sincere thanks instead. The effect on the complimentor will be good, but it will be profound to you.

Why is being grateful Important?

Gratitude is an important state to strive for, even if we don’t achieve it all the time. What we tend to focus on, expands in our awareness. This phenomenon is well known. It means that if we look for things to be grateful for, we will see more things to be grateful for. The opposite is also true.

“Learn to desire what you already have, and you will have all you need.”

There seems to be magic at work here. For some reason, if I focus on what’s good in my life, I feel better. The better I feel, the more things there are to be grateful for. It’s a virtuous cycle.

Money and gratitude

When I’m grateful for the amount of money I have, I seem to receive more. Yes, I know it’s not really magic and is probably because I am more aware of the income, because I’m grateful for it. It could also be that the more grateful I am, the more likely I am to do the things that are rewarded with money. I’m thinking of making more sales, getting more customers, and doing a better job. This is the real Law of Attraction in operation.

How to become grateful

If you suspect that you are not as grateful as you could be and you are open to some tips on becoming grateful, here are a few techniques to help you.

3 things to be grateful for

Every morning as part of my daily routine, after I meditate, I will write out at least 3 things to be grateful for. These could be things that happened the day before. They could be little things like the fact that the Wi-Fi works or they could be things we usually take for granted, such as – I have my eyesight.

Imagine you lost it

Another technique is to practise going though your day and imagining that you lost the things you have. What if I lost my house? What would that feel like? This will automatically make you more appreciative of what you do have.
You can also do this with people. Imagine what life would be like without that person in it. Once you’ve done that you will have a greater appreciation of them.

Gratitude list

The gratitude list is a tip I got from Lynne Grabhorn in her book “Excuse me, your life is waiting”. She recommends writing out a list of 20 things you are grateful for and carrying this list with you.
When you are going about your day and a negative thought pops up, simply look at one of the items on the list and focus on this instead. This doesn’t mean you will naively ignore the things that need attending to, but you will be in a better frame of mind, to deal with it.

Gratitude book

If you are struggling to come up with a list of things you are grateful for, take a small notebook around with you. Every time something good happens or you see something agreeable, write it down in the gratitude book. These items could be things like:

• The birdsong was pleasant.
• There was no queue in the coffee shop.
• I found a parking space easily.

What’s good about this?

As you become more thankful for the mundane things in life, you will still be confronted with things that are negative. Plans might not work out, failure occurs, someone is rude. The negative thing is still negative, you can’t control external events. You can however control your thoughts.

Practise asking yourself ‘what’s good about this’? There may not be much, but there will be something. Not only will this change your outlook, but it will equip you with a better attitude to address what happened. For instance, what did you learn about this failure that will make you better next time?

In the end, things are as they are and there’s not much you can do about it. You can only change yourself. It’s all ok. Accept it, be grateful.

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It doesn’t matter who wins the election and in this post I explain why.

“The idea that you can vote yourself into prosperity is one of the of most ludicrous that was ever entertained.” Winston Churchill

If it made a difference, it would be illegal.

You may have heard the expression “If voting made a difference, it would be illegal.” Now first I don’t subscribe to this and, I do say that you should vote on all eligible elections. We do live in a democracy and our voices should be heard.

Also, we need to keep our Governments accountable and whilst our individual vote won’t change much, combined, all our voices will make a difference. The UK’s first-past-the-post style of election, also means that poorly performing Governments we can brutally kicked out of power overnight.

No, the premise of this essay is that once you cast your vote, it doesn’t matter what the outcome is. It won’t affect your life or finances one iota.

Global economics, tax and inflation does play a part in how your finances are holding up, but not the biggest part. No, the biggest single influence on your financial well-being is your earning capability followed by your spending patterns. If your finances are in a pickle, the single best remedy is to earn more money.

How do you earn more money?

There are a myriad ways to earn more money,. They all basically boil down to how much value the marketplace or your employer perceives you have provided. This means you must provide more value or show the market how much value you are already providing.

What matters is what you do and how you think

Aside from money, your happiness and wellbeing are also not the Government’s responsibility. What matters is what you think and do. If you are waiting for the Opposition to get into power, for your life to improve, you will be waiting a long time.

It’s all good

If you’ve taken full responsibility for your own wealth, health and happiness, then the outcome of the election doesn’t matter. Vote, by all means, but watch the results with glee, knowing you will be all right whatever happens.

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Who are you?

You can write a list of things that could be who you are, for instance:

• Your name
• What age your are.
• Nationality, race, gender etc
• Your occupation
• Your familial position – husband, father, son etc
• What are your hobbies and interests?
• Your status in the community

This list can go on for ever, but can you see that all of these are labels we give ourselves. You are more than just your occupation or one single label. You are also more than all the labels you can think of because you can always add more labels.

Who are you trying to be?

Maybe you are learning something new, eg you are starting to write a blog. Are you a blogger yet. Sure. I remember the first sales mentor I had early in my career pulled me up because I kept saying things like I was learning to be a salesperson and my attitude and demeanour was of a trainee rookie. He pulled me to one side and said ‘you, right now are a Salesman. Go and sell.’
So, who you are can also be who you are becoming, just because you’re not a in the top of your field doesn’t mean you are not a person in that field.

What you do is who you are.

So here was the major aha for me. You are not who you say you are or what other people say you are. You are what you do or what you do is who you are. Therefore, you are always being yourself. If you are trying to be someone else, if you think about it, you are still being yourself.
The question is therefore not how can I be myself, but rather what can I do to become the person I want to be? What things should I be doing, that a person I admire would do?
It’s ok to change what you do; you are still being yourself. If you are not happy with the things you are doing, then do something else and you will then become someone else.

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