Should you be living in the present, totally, or should you have goals to strive for? There are two conflicting pieces of advice on how to live our lives, but which is correct? Are they mutually exclusive or can you live with both and if so, how?

Living in the present

What do we mean by living in the present? To live like this means that we are mindful of what goes on around us in our present environment. We are not concerned about what tomorrow brings and we let go of the past. We are completely in the moment.

Sense of flow

In our work or play, we can get into a state, which psychologists call flow. Think of anytime you’ve been totally engrossed in something you are doing. The sense of time seems to disappear, and we can be often surprised to see that hours have passed.

I get into this state when I am writing, driving or long-distance running. Its deeply meditative and helps me be more productive. Compare this to multitasking or distracted work. Think of a day when you were totally distracted or interrupted. As soon as you got started on one task, a thought popped into you mind about something else you should be planning, or a notification pinged on your phone. We can be certain that we weren’t living in the present then.

Happiness

Looking back on times when you are happiest, I’m sure that you were living in the present. You might have been spending time with friends and family or you were engrossed in some worthwhile project.

This sense of happiness is derived from the fact that we have everything we need in that moment. We are fulfilled. We’re not worrying about how to pay the bills or regretting some past indiscretion. We are in the moment – in flow.

Tennis balls

But surely, we can’t operate in this state all the time. We are not tennis balls floating down the gutter of life, as Rabbi Daniel Lapin describes it. Going with the flow all the time, means that we are at the mercy of whatever life throws at us. So surely there is another way?

Goals

The opposite of living in the moment could be said to be living in the past or future. Setting goals is a way of taking us out of the present to envision some future time and what we would like to achieve.

How to form goals

To set a goal or outcome, first think of something you would like to be, do or have. Then try to make this as specific as possible, preferably with something you can measure. Common examples of goals are to reach a certain weight or earn a certain amount of money. The numerical value of these goals makes them easier to manage. We can clearly see where we are in relation to them and how far we need to go.

The benefits of goal setting

The benefit of goal setting is that we can use our will to defeat the forces of entropy. Think of the neatly coiffured garden. If no further work is done on this verdant delight, it will soon become a jungle. It will revert to its natural state. This is the force of entropy at work, and it governs everything in the universe. Order into chaos.

Our lives our no different. Without constant vigilance and good habits, our lives will become chaotic. Setting goals and outcomes is a way we can bring back order. It could be as simple as having a goal to clean and tidy the house once a week, to maintain order.

Another benefit of goal setting is that we can develop ourselves into some better version. If we are unhealthy today, we can visualise a time when we are healthy. We can put an action plan in place to eat well and exercise, so that we reach this healthier version.

The negatives of goal setting

I’ve been a proponent of goal setting for most of my adult life and I’ve grappled with apparent disadvantages of them.

Rigidity

Having too rigid an outlook can shut us off from opportunity and spontaneity. We cannot tell what the future will be like. What seems like a promising idea to pursue today, might not be so rewarding in the future.

If we are too fixated on a certain outcome, we can miss the opportunity to adjust our focus. On the other hand, if we are too flexible, we can start to drift and be susceptible to the shiny object syndrome.

Future focus

Living in the future is not a healthy way of living. Life is about the journey. Being totally focussed on a future vision can make us blind to the beauty that’s right in front of us.

Constant state of wanting and failure

If goals are the ideal, we are striving for, then by definition the present is not ideal. We want something else. This constant wanting is a sure way to unhappiness.

Likewise, if we are not a certain weight but are striving to it, we are not successful until we reach this weight. Ergo we are failing until the very end.

Goals are empty

The act of striving to reach a goal is where the happiness lies. Either you reach your goal, or you fail. In the moment of failure, or giving up, you can choose to start again or try something new. At the precise moment you achieve your goal, there will be elation. This feeling is transitory and quickly wanes.

I remember running my first marathon. After 16 weeks of hard training, I finally approached the finish line, with 100 metres to go. The crowds were cheering all us participants on. I felt elated and reached the finish line in a state of euphoria. My family were there to meet me, and we were all emotional, at what was achieved and the money we had raised for charity.

This feeling lasted about 5 minutes.

As the adrenaline wore off and my body began to ache, there was also another feeling which grew. Emptiness. This feeling of emptiness, I still remember. Looking back over twenty years later, the happiness I remember was from the training and the raising of pledges. The actual goal itself is empty. Sure, I have a medal to show for it; it’s in a box, in the loft with all my other running medals.

The meaning I get from completing marathons, is in the process of training my body and mind, in the present i.e. back when I did it. The feeling of happiness, is the memory of the happiness I felt, whilst I was pursuing the goal.

How to live in the present and have goals

So, we are in a bit of a pickle. Live in the present or live for goals? After over twenty-five years of personal development work, I have the answer. The answer is that we should live in the present and have goals at the same time. As ever, the answer to life’s conundrums is often to choose the middle ground, to walk the tightrope in between.

By all means formulate your goals using the SMART method or whatever. you choose. As soon as your goal is formulated and you have your action plan, bring yourself back to the present. Detach yourself from the outcome. Be grateful for what you have now. Find the joy in the everyday actions that will lead you to the goal.

As you progress towards your goal, look back to where you’ve come from, not forward to how much farther you have to go. When you climb the mountain, the joy comes from stopping every so often to admire the view and amaze yourself on how far you’ve climbed. Looking up towards the summit, shrouded in mist, only brings dread.

You can read about How to Set Effective Goals, where I show you how to overcome this problem of living in the present and having goals.

It’s All Ok

If you can get into a state where It’s All Ok, now, whether you’ve achieved your goals or not, you will improve your happiness. You will have goals, but you won’t be attached to them. Try to treat your long-term goals as if they were a series of stepping stones. You will then be truly living in the present and you will be astounded by the progress you make.

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A few years ago there was a short film about living in the present, that was doing the rounds on social media. I watched it and logged out of ‘the matrix’ for the rest of that day. I will tell you what happened to me later. It was a tale of what can happen when you are not living in the here and now. What are the things that you might miss?
Modern day living does not lend itself to living in the present. Mobile phones constantly connect us with the world. Are we really connected? I would argue we are more disconnected. You see people in cafes and restaurants not paying attention to their partner or friend but instead they are checking their phones.

People have become addicted to Social Media. Yes, it is a great tool for connecting to people globally. Lost friends and distant relatives become reunited. I get that and I am not arguing that it is a bad thing. I myself am using it to try to connect with more people with my ideas. What saddens me is that we miss so much that is in front of our eyes. I see a teenager walk down the street with earphones plugged in, I don’t know what tunes they are listening to but they are missing out on the birdsong.

The internet and all the related, technology is a marvel. I do believe it is bringing true democracy to the people. I also believe that today is the best time to be alive – ever. Let’s harness this power for good; let us control it, not the other way round. This means living in the present.

How to live in the present.

The first thing to do is to stop what you are doing. Do nothing. For a few minutes just pause. Turn off any device, TV or phone. Do not physically do anything. If you haven’t done this for a while, you might get antsy. You might get the urge to do something or check Facebook. Resist the temptation. Start to notice yourself, your real self. How you breathe, how you sit. Is there any physical discomfort? What is your body telling you, that you haven’t been paying attention to before?

You could make this practice a daily habit. For a few minutes every day do nothing. Then increase this as you get to enjoy this space, and you will.
When you do things, consciously do them. For instance when you brush your teeth in the morning, think about what you are doing. Feel the toothbrush, taste the toothpaste.

When you eat – eat. Don’t read or check twitter. Chew every mouthful and experience the taste. Multitasking is a myth; you just end up doing two things badly.

Slow everything down. By slowing down things, you actually get things done quicker. How is this so? You make fewer mistakes and so don’t have to repeat. What you do ends up being longer lasting.

Unplug from the matrix. TV, Social Media, the internet, they will suck you in. Before you know it, hours have gone by and you have missed the real life.
I’ve mentioned Meditation in previous posts. It helps me so much; why not give it a go if you don’t already. It brings you right back to the present.

Why live in the present.

Why do I urge you to try to live in the present? It’s because when I am fearful, anxious or down in any way, it’s usually because my mind is somewhere else, either in yesteryear or in some imaginary future scenario. As soon as I can get right back to now, I feel instantly better. I get more perspective and can tackle any issues.

Living in the present means, you are also more likely to be aware of accidents that are waiting to happen. Do you then notice the loose flagstone at the end of the driveway? Will you then get it fixed before someone trips up? Do you start to notice what your body is telling you, so you can make changes in your lifestyle way before you get ill? On the other hand, will it make you notice that you are neglecting a relationship, so you can make the adjustment before the breakdown?

What could you miss if your mind is somewhere else? You will never know what you never see. Just imagine where life could end up if you notice that life changing moment.

When to live in the future

I’ve said all along how important it is to live in the present, but is there a time where you can live in the past or future? Yes there is, but only in very controlled circumstances. Once a week for a couple of hours and then every day for about 20 minutes I allow myself to visualise what I want in the future and also to scan for any potential issues that may come up. If I find myself worrying about something outside of these times, I write it down. This then tells my subconscious that the issue will be analysed and dealt with when I am ready.

What about the past?

Firstly, let’s make a distinction between memories and living in the past. I would define a memory as a thought, which comes from a past event. Memories aren’t real; you only have to listen to two blokes arguing over a football refereeing decision. They both can’t be right. Memories are, however, our best guess at what has happened. We must be very careful not to allow our subjective interpretation of events become real life. This is living in the past and the past does not equal the future. Acknowledge the memory, learn from it and move on.

Back to the Present

Any way back to the present. Here is what happened that day I decided to live in the now. I felt like a walk, so I just wandered off into the centre of Prestwich a suburb of Manchester, where I live.

I found a small museum that I never knew existed. Here I learned the origins of the name of my street. It was to do with the plague ‘Black Death’. I also learned there was a Roman Fort at the bottom of the street! I’d lived there for 12 years and I never knew.

I saw the actor Steve Evets outside a Café in Prestwich. He plays Colin in the BBC comedy Rev. I think he’s a class act. He’s the one in this clip who isn’t Eric Cantona.

I found a business suit in Cancer Research charity shop, in pristine condition, my exact size – for £30, all wool.

Later, when I got back home I didn’t know what to do next, without technology of any sort, so I got out in the garden and had a brilliant time weeding.

Later that evening I enjoyed burger and chips with my youngest daughter before we went to watch Manchester United. This would be Ryan Gigg’s and Nemanja Vidic’s last ever games for United, at Old Trafford. We later learned that this was also Rio Ferdinand’s last game as well.

What a rich full day it was and all this because I just decided to step outside and live for the moment. Would all this have happened had my head been somewhere else? Maybe, maybe not. I do know one thing, it was a great day, truly living. I would have missed this or not enjoyed it as much.

Did living in the present stop me from being productive and moving towards my goals? No, it re-energised me so that when I went back to work I was doubly productive and motivated.
Here is your homework (if you will). Resolve to live in the present today and see what happens. Let me know how you get on.

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