Should you be living in the present, totally, or should you have goals to strive for? There are two conflicting pieces of advice on how to live our lives, but which is correct? Are they mutually exclusive or can you live with both and if so, how?
Living in the present
What do we mean by living in the present? To live like this means that we are mindful of what goes on around us in our present environment. We are not concerned about what tomorrow brings and we let go of the past. We are completely in the moment.
Sense of flow
In our work or play, we can get into a state, which psychologists call flow. Think of anytime you’ve been totally engrossed in something you are doing. The sense of time seems to disappear, and we can be often surprised to see that hours have passed.
I get into this state when I am writing, driving or long-distance running. Its deeply meditative and helps me be more productive. Compare this to multitasking or distracted work. Think of a day when you were totally distracted or interrupted. As soon as you got started on one task, a thought popped into you mind about something else you should be planning, or a notification pinged on your phone. We can be certain that we weren’t living in the present then.
Happiness
Looking back on times when you are happiest, I’m sure that you were living in the present. You might have been spending time with friends and family or you were engrossed in some worthwhile project.
This sense of happiness is derived from the fact that we have everything we need in that moment. We are fulfilled. We’re not worrying about how to pay the bills or regretting some past indiscretion. We are in the moment – in flow.
Tennis balls
But surely, we can’t operate in this state all the time. We are not tennis balls floating down the gutter of life, as Rabbi Daniel Lapin describes it. Going with the flow all the time, means that we are at the mercy of whatever life throws at us. So surely there is another way?
Goals
The opposite of living in the moment could be said to be living in the past or future. Setting goals is a way of taking us out of the present to envision some future time and what we would like to achieve.
How to form goals
To set a goal or outcome, first think of something you would like to be, do or have. Then try to make this as specific as possible, preferably with something you can measure. Common examples of goals are to reach a certain weight or earn a certain amount of money. The numerical value of these goals makes them easier to manage. We can clearly see where we are in relation to them and how far we need to go.
The benefits of goal setting
The benefit of goal setting is that we can use our will to defeat the forces of entropy. Think of the neatly coiffured garden. If no further work is done on this verdant delight, it will soon become a jungle. It will revert to its natural state. This is the force of entropy at work, and it governs everything in the universe. Order into chaos.
Our lives our no different. Without constant vigilance and good habits, our lives will become chaotic. Setting goals and outcomes is a way we can bring back order. It could be as simple as having a goal to clean and tidy the house once a week, to maintain order.
Another benefit of goal setting is that we can develop ourselves into some better version. If we are unhealthy today, we can visualise a time when we are healthy. We can put an action plan in place to eat well and exercise, so that we reach this healthier version.
The negatives of goal setting
I’ve been a proponent of goal setting for most of my adult life and I’ve grappled with apparent disadvantages of them.
Rigidity
Having too rigid an outlook can shut us off from opportunity and spontaneity. We cannot tell what the future will be like. What seems like a promising idea to pursue today, might not be so rewarding in the future.
If we are too fixated on a certain outcome, we can miss the opportunity to adjust our focus. On the other hand, if we are too flexible, we can start to drift and be susceptible to the shiny object syndrome.
Future focus
Living in the future is not a healthy way of living. Life is about the journey. Being totally focussed on a future vision can make us blind to the beauty that’s right in front of us.
Constant state of wanting and failure
If goals are the ideal, we are striving for, then by definition the present is not ideal. We want something else. This constant wanting is a sure way to unhappiness.
Likewise, if we are not a certain weight but are striving to it, we are not successful until we reach this weight. Ergo we are failing until the very end.
Goals are empty
The act of striving to reach a goal is where the happiness lies. Either you reach your goal, or you fail. In the moment of failure, or giving up, you can choose to start again or try something new. At the precise moment you achieve your goal, there will be elation. This feeling is transitory and quickly wanes.
I remember running my first marathon. After 16 weeks of hard training, I finally approached the finish line, with 100 metres to go. The crowds were cheering all us participants on. I felt elated and reached the finish line in a state of euphoria. My family were there to meet me, and we were all emotional, at what was achieved and the money we had raised for charity.
This feeling lasted about 5 minutes.
As the adrenaline wore off and my body began to ache, there was also another feeling which grew. Emptiness. This feeling of emptiness, I still remember. Looking back over twenty years later, the happiness I remember was from the training and the raising of pledges. The actual goal itself is empty. Sure, I have a medal to show for it; it’s in a box, in the loft with all my other running medals.
The meaning I get from completing marathons, is in the process of training my body and mind, in the present i.e. back when I did it. The feeling of happiness, is the memory of the happiness I felt, whilst I was pursuing the goal.
How to live in the present and have goals
So, we are in a bit of a pickle. Live in the present or live for goals? After over twenty-five years of personal development work, I have the answer. The answer is that we should live in the present and have goals at the same time. As ever, the answer to life’s conundrums is often to choose the middle ground, to walk the tightrope in between.
By all means formulate your goals using the SMART method or whatever. you choose. As soon as your goal is formulated and you have your action plan, bring yourself back to the present. Detach yourself from the outcome. Be grateful for what you have now. Find the joy in the everyday actions that will lead you to the goal.
As you progress towards your goal, look back to where you’ve come from, not forward to how much farther you have to go. When you climb the mountain, the joy comes from stopping every so often to admire the view and amaze yourself on how far you’ve climbed. Looking up towards the summit, shrouded in mist, only brings dread.
You can read about How to Set Effective Goals, where I show you how to overcome this problem of living in the present and having goals.
It’s All Ok
If you can get into a state where It’s All Ok, now, whether you’ve achieved your goals or not, you will improve your happiness. You will have goals, but you won’t be attached to them. Try to treat your long-term goals as if they were a series of stepping stones. You will then be truly living in the present and you will be astounded by the progress you make.